Infinite Loop

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I sleep not, rest not
Eat not, taste not
Kiss not, love not
Unless I’m with
You

Take my fingers
I know they’re cold, let’s
Travel to panoramic views
Where mountains float like
Birds

I’ll wait while you collect
Souvenirs of this entanglement
My wings flapping in rhythm
With the cycles of the
Moon

Once she’s carried me home
Turn your face towards heaven
I’ll return as a raindrop
I’ll caress your face with
Water

There is no end to us
As there was no beginning
We exist as points upon the circle
Repeating this infinite
Loop.

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Run

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Run. Run far away and
Please do come back, not like
A boomerang, like you.
I want you rosaceous red
Steeped in clouds and sweat,
Brown like earth so deep it is
Impossible to dig up. Tall like
The volcano in the distance
Reminding us of our inadequacy.
Murderous like the abominable
Snowman, not a monster nor a
Storybook creation but a man
Who kills foxes with his bare
Hands and wrestles snarling bears
When they’ve eaten his dog’s
Heart, leaving the rest to rot.
I want the tears of people
You’ve never touched to flow
Leaving a trail of crumbs
Blue dots in white snow indicating
The road you’ve traveled, like
Plastic bottles hanging off of
Tree branches. I will always find you
You will always find me. Once you’ve
Felt their pain in your kidneys
In every compartment of your spine
You can return to me. Leave the
Remains buried atop the volcano
Where there’s a view, where his
Spirit will want to visit, where we
Will want to visit, too. For we are
Never far from the paradise we built
It lives inside our beating hearts
Like a ship in a bottle, filed away under
“Secrets” until our brains turn off and we
Exist in the context of bright light rather than
Love and fear, God’s yellow face, the dots
Piercing the night sky: stars or airplanes
Or alien dimensions.

photo-41

Somebody Got Shot

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I told them to go: Daddy,
Take her to her favorite place
The library. Pick up the Thai food
And come home, be safe.

They come home and I kiss them
We eat together, then we watch
Fantasia while I stretch and
Daddy works. A normal evening.

Except for the police racing about
Daddy wondered why, I said: Guns
The last time I saw them speeding
Without sirens, somebody got shot.

The neighborhood blog flashed a notice:
A shooting at the corner, near the library
At 6:45. My reasons for living crossed paths
With a gunman, and I sent them.

I get on my knees, blessing my
Angels, my worst fears curling and
Charred, touched by the fires of hell
While I pray for their mothers.

Throw

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Aim, throw, hit
Sharp
Pierces my chest
I shout but I sound like nothing
The walls are sound-proof, eye-proof
And escape-proof
Trapped forever within
Life’s longing for itself.

Rolling across blades of grass
I pretend they are tippy tops of trees
And I am God’s yellow face
The moon is my best friend
So I ask for the clouds to part
For the answers to crawl out of
Darkness, into somewhere bright
For interpretation.

My arms shield my eyes instead of
My chest which takes the blow
All bone and fragile tissue,
But not even sound-proof glass
Can stop me from seeing
Outside. Where nothing makes sense
Except for our stories and
The sun, but only when it shines.

Addiction

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It tugs on your lapels like a
Needy child needing you and only
You, traveling through brain mass
Finding new spaces to fill, breaking
Your life into two neat pieces.
One for the addiction, another for
Everything else, everything that matters.
You hold the pieces together with your knees,
Careful not to move your hips, gambling on
The outcome, the hit, the blow, the shot.
You reel, you breathe differently, you feel
The new space where the cracks have widened
And the vapor rushes in like epoxy or
Super glue, which always does a better job sewing
Your fingers together than the fractures.

Brother and Sister

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When he comes home
He brings her a ring
Tangerine butterfly trapped
In plastic like a song.
She touches the wings
Trying it on each finger
Turning it round and round
Like the moon circling earth.
He runs, she follows
He chases, she runs
They fall together
Like two crumbling towers.
Laughter feeding wild flowers
Animals foraging treasures
Plants hiding minerals,
Making wishes on dandelions
And dirt cakes with buried spoons.
Romping amongst twilight
Awash in pink delight
Brother the leader
Sister the keeper,
No parents allowed
Please go back inside.

Lost Love

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Love
Sits in the corner, holding hands
Sleeps in a pile, legs intertwined
Comes home each day at the same time
Until it doesn’t. I’ll be back, says
Love.
So you wait at the same time every night
Prostrate in cold empty sheets, tears pooling
Inside your ears, swallowing and digesting
Fear like sugar. Until it becomes stubborn
Flesh clinging to bone. Still waiting for
Love.
You gaze at images to conjure it home
But the feeling collapses lungs, steals
Oxygen, transforms blood into salt water
And hope into desperate, crashing chance.
Hungry yet starving, the only food being
Love.
You sleep under white sliver of moon, wake up to
Infinite black sky, nothing out there but
Space, spinning planets, exploding stars
Tossing wishes like skipping rocks, waiting for
One to land and last. No guarantees, but for
Love.

Disarray

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Black coffee sweat
Armpits moldy
Whisky shit
Eyes varicose gray

Wrinkled knee caps
Nits clinging
Scabby lips
Nose drips red

Bones protrude white
Cavities hungry
Purple nails
Crescent-shaped spine

Nappy curled sweater
Underwear cut
Soulless shoes
Shit-stained pants

Stomach scraping whining
Fingers fumbling
Cracked toes
Fissures pulsing pain

Mind body numb
Spirit fighting
Choked heart
Hands stretched searching.

One Kiss

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One kiss.
Give it away never take it back
One kiss can change a life
Suck you up like a tornado
A force spiraling out of control
Spit you out with desiccated lips
Lick you up with soft wet tongue
Turn you into putty, into something
To be molded and mended and
Broken.
We exist for kisses
We cry for them
We kill for them.
Seeking foreign mouths
Though we can kiss
Ourselves, hands toes arms legs
Every part but the most important.
Not everything comes from the inside
Not everyone comes from the outside
Why don’t we write love letters
To our own hearts?
Kiss our own wounds
Lap up our own blood?
We would be safer
No longer risking our flimsy lips
To the abyss of another’s.

My Heart Pumps

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My heart pumps

Sticky red, thick red, thin red
And other things
Fear becoming pain and longing
Love becoming joy and hope.
I know no end only eternity
I cannot replace all fear with all love
I sit with what is
Flowing like a river or a highway
Endlessly until the curtain falls and I am
Dead.
But I am not only
Dead
I am only somewhere else
Unseen, unknown
Far away and every where.
My heart
No longer animated by spirit
Rots or burns, no longer bleeds
Unfeeling but all knowing.
I am invisible, like oxygen
In the clouds, the rain
The grass, the flowers, the trees, the light
Melting expanding deepening widening
Changing transforming evolving
Like ice becoming water
Like water becoming steam
Like pain becoming joy
Like longing becoming hope
Like fear becoming love.
My heart
Pumps, for now.